Burning “Gay” Questions

118 comments

• 

  I can answer the first question. It applies to men and women. Most people need to start with one finger. The anus doesn’t stretch or grow looser over time. The muscles learn to relax more completely, but you can’t actually “stretch” that hole (not noticeably or safely, anyway). It must be relaxed EVERY time a person has gone more than a few hours without being penetrated anally (obviously there are exceptions because each body is different…blah blah blah). You can relax those muscles a bit just by thinking about it, but they relax better when pressure is applied. Hence the progressive stretching.

  Anal sex without proper stretching hurts like a motherfucker. It’s indescribably painful, and that is NOT a sexy or good pain for most people, male or female.

• 

  *still laughing like a 12 year old at the questions* Let me see if I can give some of these a whirl. Since I know nothing about gaydar, I’m going to skip that one.

  1 – I show stretching because it’s my own experience that jumping right in hurts like you wouldn’t imagine. That may not be so for someone who does anal a lot, but… uh, I’m verging into TMI territory.

  2 – I love writing about rimming. Men are oral creatures, at least the few I’ve been with, and it seems to go hand in hand. Even straight men like to be rimmed (some of them, lol). There are a lot of nerve endings down there. I read somewhere that there are more nerve endings around a man’s anus than around the head of his penis.

  3 – Precome? It doesn’t taste like much of anything to me. Maybe a little bitter, but not much else. Then again, I don’t sit around and savor it either. LMAO.

• 

  Rimming isn’t just for the boys, either. I’ve been on both the giving and the receiving end, and I can tell you that both rock.

  Getting rimmed is mindblowingly amazing (if you like anal play) because it’s all pleasure and no pain at all (for me). I know plenty of women who love getting rimmed.

  Doing it was fun for me because it felt so naughty and wicked, but it fairly easy to do (and be good at). My guy was freshly showered, so it didn’t really taste like much of anything, but it felt very neat on my tongue.

  Elle Parker

• 

  Hi Jen
  I knew you would have the answer to at least one of the questions *g* Anal is not one of my favourite sports obviously b/c the few times I tried it, it did hurt. NOW I know why. Damn!

  Amanda
  See, I knew that someone would have fun with the questions.

  Rimming is the new “sex toy”. Everywhere I turn I read about it. Now if only the guys would let me know if it’s better to give than to receive.

  So far, one vote for “no taste”. This will be the best poll I have ever conducted.

• 

  Hi Elle
  Wow, I’m changing my SO. I’m hopelessly in the dark in more ways than one. *g* I had no idea that women get rimmed as well, as a common practice during sex. I’m going to have to expand the scope of this poll when I do the results 🙂

  Thanks Elle. I really appreciate your input.

• 

  I just want to add that while women can enjoy rimming, but we don’t have the same nerve endings down there that men do.

• 

  Amanda
  Why are we shortchanged in this area as well? Is it some sort of divine payback? Why do guys always get to have all the fun?

• 

  I don’t think we’re short changed. Men have their penis and their prostate (the reason there are so many nerve ending around their hole, I guess). Women have their clit and the g-spot (although I couldn’t tell you where that is – lol).

• 

  Amanda
  Didn’t you see my poll about the infamous G spot? If you didn’t see or comment on it I’ll send you the link.*g* All the ladies had a lot of fun with it. I concluded it was somewhere in the Bermuda Triangle *g*

  So the reason the guys have more nerve endings near their hole is related to their penis and prostate? I should become a doctor 🙂

• 

  I just checked Amanda – you did comment on the G Spot *g*

• 

  It’s just a guess on my part, but it makes sense that they’d have more nerve endings there because of their prostate. *shrugs*

• 

  Okay, from the straight girl’s perspective:

  #1 I think most everyone answered pretty well, just helps ease the way and I suppose it depends on how big your fingers are. My three fingers are much smaller than some guys two fingers I know. Stretch, stretch, stretch.

  #2 Gaydar. Beats the hell out of me. If it exists I don’t seem to have it. Maybe only gay people have gaydar.

  #3. I’d say rimming is like most sexual practices. Some people love it (giving and receiving) and some hate and some are indifferent. Just like some women wouldn’t perform oral sex if their lives depended on it – but will receive – and others love it. I’ve never done nor had the pleasure (rimming I mean) so can’t comment but they make it sound damn good. LOL

  #4 Taste, well I don’t love it, but I always figured swallowing was the lesser evil. Holding it in your mouth would be worse. 🙂 Raspberries? I wish. I saw a saying once (here? somewhere) something about if god were a woman semen would taste like chocolate. I believe there is some scientific evidence that pineapple juice can improve the flavor but to be honest, its been so long I can’t really remember off hand. Bitter, I remember that.

  As for sticking together there really isn’t THAT much ejaculate. I googled and it says about 1-2 tsp on average. I know sometimes it sounds in books like its about a cup but try spreading 2 tsp. of jam around on your belly, not that much. Okay, maybe don’t try that. LOL Although it seems the size of the wet spot would indicate massive flooding of ejaculate. Not sure what kind of laws of physics are at play there. And usually once you fall asleep you move around and it would get rubbed off on sheets and its not made of superglue. If you’re shooting superglue, see a Dr.

  Okay, I googled and found this. (I should be banned from google) “Semen clots almost immediately after ejaculation, forming a sticky, jelly-like liquid. It will liquefy again in 5 to 40 minutes.” which is interesting. So it would just get wet, not sticky and probably be really annoying and you’d feel compelled to wipe it off.

  There, my contributions to the cause. (I’m not sure what the cause is but I’m saying I gave at the office.)

• 

  Hokay, I’ll address the cum issue. Reluctantly. In the interest of scientific inquiry.

  It’s been my … oops, I mean my friend’s experience that the taste does indeed change depending on what’s recently been ingested. Scotch is the one flavor that most readily comes (no pun) to mind. And the taste is apparent whether you swallow or not. My friend does, by the way, recommend swallowing, since it’s allegedly a very erotic and intimate experience.

  Viscosity — thinner, thicker — differs from man to man and depends on a variety of factors.

  I’m … I mean, my friend is quite fond of giving head. The dirty bugger.

• 

  K.Z.
  Please ensure you thank your friend for me. I had no idea that the taste of scotch was so strong. Oh my!

  Your friend sounds like a real fun person and I wish I could ask him/her other questions since I don’t expect you to speak for him/her. I wish I could meet your friend.

  Thank you for all this great information which will be tabulated in the interest of science *g*

• 

  See now the whole finger thing — it’s like a formula. That bugs me. Sometimes you can get by with a single finger…sometimes you have to wine and dine that hole with enough lube, both hands, your tongue and it still wont happen. And then, you know if you’re drunk enough, you might not even need lube or stretching (internal vs external lubrication). If authors mixed it up more, I’d be better, but it’s sort of a shorthand they’ve all learned and then copy.

  With cum…heck it depends. I know when my guy’s been smoking more than normal. It also varies though with how stressed he is or if he’s been sick. I would never ever think of it as tasting like raspberries…you know unless you’ve got some flavored lube mixed in. Although, I use “cream” as a word for it sometimes and it’s nowhere near that. Egg white just doesn’t have a ring to it though (which if you think about it is about the right consistency and stickiness — and is what you use for certain sex toys to simulate it).

  Some of rimming’s thrill comes from the fact that is just seen as dirty. Yeah, it feels good but having someone’s tongue up your ass is pretty intimate.

  With gaydar. Well, there are some people you just know are gay or lesbians. Some people you’re “certain” of can turn around and surprise the hell out of you. But, you know, if you’re sitting in a Gay Bar in West Hollywood, and someone of the same sex sits down next to you leans in close and smiles… you don’t have be a rocket scientist.

  my 2c

• 

  Most of them have been answered excellently and need no additions – I agree with James about the formula though – it’s (perhaps) a fanfiction chinese whisper, m/m writers just copied the ideas and methods of others like this.

  As for how men find out – in places they aren’t sure? Pretty much don’t, as far as my gay friends tell me. They might throw out flirty lines and see what sort of reaction they get – in shops, in public. Sometimes it works and sometiems it doesn’t. And that’s in a world where it’s generally not illegal! Think of the nightmare of how to approach it in historical fiction!

• 

  You’re quite welcome, jw. I’ll convey your thanks.

  James, I think Sue Jo got us all going on the finger thing.

  Then again, if writers deviate from the “one-two-three and wheee, away we go!” there are bound to be readers who say, “Whoa, hold yer horses, bucko. You can’t take shortcuts with this; shortcuts result in pain and injury.”

  So whether a butt-fuck scene shows excruciating care or reckless impetuosity on the characters’ part, someone is bound to think it isn’t realistic.

  Whaddaya do?

• 

  I have a theory about gaydar. Part of it is based on personal experience, and part of it is based on something I read somewhere (no idea where). It seems to me that there are two main reasons to sharpen one’s gay spidey senses:

  1) You want to locate gays for positive reasons. Either you are gay or you like having gay friends, so like being able to point them out so you can group yourself with them.

  2) You want to locate gays for negative reasons. You are somehow offended by or afraid of homosexuality, and therefore want to be able to point out the gay crowd so you can either stay away from them or abuse them (think insecure jocks in the locker room).

  Those of us who are extremely unobservant and/or just don’t give a damn about sexuality or social groupings have really crappy or nonexistent gaydar. I work in a gay-friendly business and my boss always makes fun of my malfunctioning gaydar. I’ve never been one to categorize people anyway, and these days I’m around it so much my senses are pretty much dulled. I think I probably give off an ambiguous vibe to some people too, so maybe it goes both ways.

• 

  Oh my, I think I’ll start with Tam who has invested a lot of “research” in this project (I wish you had been around for the other polls – would have saved me a lot of work)*g*

  Two teaspoons of cum? See I thought when I read M/M books and erotica which seemed so different from my experience, that my guy (or guys) were kind of stingy with the bodily fluids. Now I find out that they are perfectly normal. Damn! I don’t care what you say I’m not putting jam on my belly to test your theory 🙂

  So, no rimming experience. Heh. Welcome to the club.

  With regard to the size of your fingers maybe you should be fisting :DDD
  Viscosity – it becomes liquid again and no superglue! Superglue? What have you been smoking

  James
  You hit on the point I was trying to get at. Is this a formula like tying off the condoms which everyone was writing about until I asked gay men whether they did in fact do this? Btw they all said no.

  You can actually tell if someone had been smoking by the taste of their cum?

  So no ass sport if you have had too much to drink – or maybe that’s when you should have it because the “receiver” would feel no pain.

  Egg white, while the right consistency doesn’t somehow sound romantic *g*

  I think that rimming is even more intimate than any other sexual act – it’s certainly explored in all the M/M books now yet no one wants to talk about it.

  Last, gaydar – what I meant was if you met a guy on the street (not in a gay bar) and you couldn’t tell whether he swung your way – how could you tell.

  Erastes
  Thanks for joining the fray. I always wondered how gay men found other gay men in places where they don’t hang out as a rule, or when they weren’t sure if the object of their affection was gay or not. Some places (like Jamaica where gay men are killed just for being gay and the cops lead the charge) you don’t want to make it known that you’re not straight.

• 

  Being drunk makes anal sex really easy…unless it’s your first time, then that’s just stupid.

  And James is right about the 1-2-3 stretch thing being a formula. It really does depend on the receiver’s experience and ability to control his/her muscles. The number of fingers isn’t quite as important as the idea of stretching and relaxing. It’s probably just easier to explain that way, and it sounds a lot nicer than “push out like you’re taking a dump”. LOL

• 

  Then again, if writers deviate from the “one-two-three and wheee, away we go!” there are bound to be readers who say, “Whoa, hold yer horses, bucko. You can’t take shortcuts with this; shortcuts result in pain and injury.”

  KZ
  you’re having WAY too much fun with this serious scientific poll. My problem is that I read so many M/M romances and gay erotica that I wonder what’s real and how many of the practices and conventions originate in someone’s imagination (again, like the tying off of condoms in gay sex) although this one does seem to make sense. But KZ bucko?

• 

  Okay, I read a story where they wrapped the condom in a kleenex (no tying involved). But I think they were trying to hide it. I don’t remember. Tie it, don’t tie it I don’t care, at least I know they took it off and I’m not wondering 5 pages later if its still hanging around somewhere.

  Ummm, and I’m staying way far from fisting thanks.

• 

  “push out like you’re taking a dump”.
  I’m not going there Jen.
  I do like the visual of stretching (like an elastic band) though.

  Tammy
  Imagine finding a condom days later (I won’t say how) *g*

• 

  I can agree with much of the above. TMI below from an author’s viewpoint.

  1) Fingers. If you don’t stretch, it will hurt like hell. Yes, personal experience. But it can be very pleasurable during the stretching. While writing, I don’t necessarily do the one-two-three thing, although it can be part of the erotic process. Esp. if you’re dealing with a virgin. I can’t skip at least mentioning the stretching in some manner.

  2) Gaydar. I think it has to do with how perceptive a person is. Everyone has tells, but that doesn’t necessarily mean you’re reading them correctly. I’ve known a gay man who was as butch as you could possibly get; I’ve known straight men who really, really should have been flaming. And people who have gay friends are going to be more attuned to it. I’ve written it both ways, but it seems most realistic to me that there will always be at least some doubt. Lord knows, many people are seriously clueless.

  3) Rimming. I shall admit I have no personal experience about this except through reading. I’ve occasionally written it as a pleasurable experience.

  4) Taste test. I do believe there are ways to make a difference, most often with alcohol or juices. At the Ren Faires I used to attend, men gorged on apple juice to sweeten themselves, as well as drinking lots and lots of water to ease the bitter taste. As I’ve experienced this all the way around, I agree with those methods. As a daily thing with no planning I prefer not to taste at all, much less swallow although I do very much enjoy the process to that point. It does vary from man to man.

  Interesting questions. I don’t suppose I embarrass easily, at least not over the computer!

• 

  Hi Madeleine
  Welcome to the fray.
  Guys really drink juice and water to dilute the bitterness? Wow. Learn something new every day. I’ll have to recommend this 🙂

  Gaydar seems hardest to pin down. I asked my gay friends and even they don’t have much of a clue except very general observations. I’m surprised more gay men don’t get punched in the face because they read someone wrong.

  “Ren Faires?”

  I get the fingers but it seems almost formulaic in M/M romances and gay erotica – like every author has a script that they follow and it never varies.

  I hope to get more input from some of my gay “regulars” on the blog on rimming.

  Thanks for your valuable input. I told you how much fun we have here *g*

• 

  I only hope, jw, that this post hasn’t encouraged your readers to start doing stretching exercises on themselves. It’s best to have a coach, or at least a spotter, for such things.

  “At the Ren Faires I used to attend, men gorged on apple juice to sweeten themselves, as well as drinking lots and lots of water to ease the bitter taste.”

  Holy jamoly, Madeleine, what Renaissance Faires have you been attending? The spunk-o-rific ones, obviously. (Pssst … I’ll pay ya to tell me where they are.)

• 

  OMG I can just see the ad “spotter or coach needed for butt stretching exercises” I’m done – you’ve got me beat KZ.

  I’ll leave it to Madeleine to answer your question about the Faires. I’m waiting with bated breath for her answer. *g*

• 

  Not raspberries. I won’t say what I think it tastes like because then some of my gay friends who sometimes drift to the other side would tell me what female parts taste like and things could get, well, rude.

  The DH, who wears his hair military short and likes black leather a lot, said he was constantly hit on when he was younger — and has been approached a few times in his more mature years. So I think the gaydar is just mostly guesswork.

• 

  …some of my gay friends who sometimes drift to the other side would tell me what female parts taste like and things could get, well, rude.

  Oh noes! The clam in the fright wig again rears its ugly…foot? (Or am I confusing my mollusks again?)

• 

  Thanks Treva for your insight. Obviously the author who wrote about the raspberries taste was smoking something.:) However, I take it from your comment that the taste is not something you enjoy *g*

  Since your DH used to get hit on (and probably still does) it would seem that gaydar is really as much a myth as the G spot. I still can’t figure out how they know except in places where gay men hang out. I hope Christian, Ozakie, Paul or one of the other guys can ‘splain.

  KZ
  You are just plain bad :DDD I guess you know where to find the mysterious G spot *g*

• 

  Lord, this is fun! And educational of course, to a gal who came from a strict convent school background *cough*.

  Can’t add much except that I agree on the stretching and the rimming and the taste of come – it definitely changes ‘tang’ according to some foods, and alcohol too. Well, in my “friend’s” personal experience, that is. (wonder if that’s the same friend as KZ’s? LOL Aren’t we all coy?!)

  On the other point…
  I went back to work Jan 2 with only 3 people in my office, one of whom is my gay friend. No, we didn’t do much work, just chatted about life and fiction! But spookily enough, we talked a lot about gaydar, and the how and whether it exists/works. He tends to dress and speak in a way that declares he’s gay, but another friend’s bf – a more quiet, sober, accountant-type – apparently went to the age of 38 without either seeking or finding some gay fun. Part of that was due to his own shyness, but he found it very difficult to spot other gay people – or be spotted as such!

  The whole issue of finding romantic company is harrowing and tricky enough. How much worse can that be if you don’t even have the starting point of the potential field being made up of people obviously of the opposite sex?!

  (does that make sense…?! LOL)

  Great discussion! sorry, scientific investigation.

  Clare 🙂

• 

  I swore never to divulge its location, jw. It’s in the Never-Never Land of female anatomy, which you can only access by promising never to grow old or write m/m fiction.

  Which means, I’ve lost my pass.

  🙁

  Hi, Clare! Our friend makes a lot of transatlantic trips, eh? Dirty bugger.

  (Honest, Treva, I have been writing today.)

• 

  Muahaha. I knew this would be fun :). I don’t have much too add on any of the topics – I don’t have enough personal experience on any of the topics and none at all about others like rimming (I think this is one of those things I’d rather read about than do myself, though). But I’m very interested to hear more about the gaydar thing because I always wondered how that works, too. I mean, I guess some clues can be obvious in body language when two people are together, but if you just meat someone on the street? I was traveling with a friend of mine who is gay last year and while visiting a mosque two Japanese guys asked us to take a picture of them. After they walked away my friend leaned toward me and asked “don’t tell me you didn’t see? A little gay couple!” I looked again at the two guys and to me they didn’t look any gayer than most people. I asked him “how do you know these things?” He shrugged and said “We do, that’s all”.

  *rolls eyes* Men.

• 

  Oh my Lord! I came too late to the party to add much of anything of value. But I have written about rimming as topic in a newspaper (a VERY progressive one) and thought you all might enjoy what I said:

  Ask your mother, or any of your straight friends, to use the word “rim” in a sentence as a verb and they may be hard pressed to come up with a response. Oh sure, Mom might say, “Grandma’s lovely mixing bowl was *rimmed* in *fleur-de-lis*.” But for the most part, your straight friends probably think of the word rim as a noun.

  But ask your gay brethren and you’ll come up with an entirely different response. The rim of their favorite coffee cup is probably the last thing to come to their filthy little minds when that particular three-letter word arises in conversation. “Rimming” or “tossing a salad” are just a couple of metaphors for the act known less delicately as “eating butt” or for those of a more clinical semantic bent, analingus.

  But how safe is putting your tongue where the sun don’t shine? Once again, I will reiterate my claim, before I go any further, that I am not a doctor, nor have I ever even played one on TV, so what I say here should not be construed as medical advice. It’s only the results of my own feeble research into the topic that I present here, so take it with a grain of salt…or a shot of penicillin…or a hepatitis vaccination. Which brings me to my first point: hepatitis. Other than winding up with a shit-eating grin, your biggest risk when it comes to rimming is contracting hepatitis, A or B, maybe even C. Face it, butt munchers, the easiest way to get hepatitis is through fecal matter and you’re bound to come into contact with some if you go sticking your nose (and your mouth) in a loved one’s butthole, however tight, pink, hairy or beautiful that little rosebud may be. The good news here is that you can allay many of your worries by visiting your doctor and getting yourself vaccinated against the dreaded virus. Then you can munch away with abandon, bearing in mind that you have NOT been vaccinated against other nasty little critters you could pick up this way, like parasites. As with most any gestures of affection, you must weigh the risks and benefits of any such display and decide what is right for you. Keeping your nose out of others’ business is your decision, as an educated consumer.

  You may be wondering about that old bugaboo we hear so much about these days: HIV. From what I’ve learned, rimming is not all that likely to give you the dreaded virus, provided you have a healthy mouth (no cuts, sores, blisters, icky gums, etc.) and he has a clean ass free from any sores, rips or cuts. We won’t even get into FELCHING here.

  So, dear ones, I close with two cliches: bottoms up! And *bon appetit*!

• 

  Rick – I love you.

  Will you let me post this on the GWR blog? i think rimming needs more advertising. Or a revamped version?

• 

  Feel free, Erastes. I think it works just fine as is, minus the intro.

• 

  Hi Clare
  I’m glad you’re having fun and I hope that the guys do as well. Oh btw I went to school at a convent as well man, many years ago *g*

  So, the “tang” is changed by whatever a guy has to eat or drink? I guess you and KZ have the same “friend.” *g* Everyone agrees that stretching is necessary – my comment related to the “formula” every writer uses when the character is being “prepared.”

  The situation you mentioned about the 38 year old gay man who didn’t seek (and couldn’t find gay companionship) is the reason I asked the question about gaydar. How do the guys find companionship when it’s not obvious who’s gay and who’s not? It’s difficult enough for straight people.

  I’m so glad you enjoyed this scientific discussion 🙂

• 

  Rick
  My education is complete.

  Btw I do know about FELCHING I have had to do a lot of research about my topics 🙂 You are such a source of information about rimming. I had no idea that so many diseases could be contracted – maybe as a public service your topic should be posted in hangouts where guys (and gays) practice this. What you said is truly frightening. Damn! Another opportunity to expand my sexual education down the toilet, as it were 🙂

  But Rick, I do have one question, how does gaydar work? Or does it?

  You’re going to be famous (and not for your wonderful writing) as soon as Erastes posts your comments *g*

  Last comment – love the new photo – very handsome!

• 

  Mary
  I’m still trying to figure out how gay men find each other when they don’t know who’s who. I hope you’re enjoying the comments on this scientific discussion. 🙂

• 

  The last time it happened the DH came home and said, “Damn, it’s been so long since that happened it took me awhile to figure out why this young guy was smiling and staring at me.” I told him it was because he wore red shoes and a red shirt to work that day. Color coordination is obviously a gay thing. Or maybe just red shoes.

  Hey,K.Z., and I was editing and writing today. I swear.

• 

  1. The fingers thing…in my m/m romances, I’ve used it and I’ve skipped it, depending on the participants (a virgin or somebody who hasn’t had a lover in a while versus a guy who gets lots of action).

  2. Rimming – again, sometimes I use it, but I don’t like to be repetitive with my sex scenes in different books, so sometimes I don’t. I’m glad it’s popular, but it would be a shame if it became another cliche.

  3. Gaydar – I think it’s a skill that can be developed like any other if an individual is motivated enough. My husband THINKS he has it and is currently crushing on Rachel Maddow. Haven’t bothered to burst his bubble. Yet.

  Somebody mentioned fisting. I’m seriously considering using it in an upcoming project, which features a private investigator and a high-priced rent-boy. I figure fisting is something a professional sub might specialize in, especially if he’s deep into the BDSM scene. I haven’t seen it used in any m/m I’ve read, but I certainly haven’t read everything out there. Is it one of the “untouchable” taboos? If handled delicately and realistically, could it fly? (I’m talking about one scene, not a book based on fisting, you understand).

  Thanks. Glad to have found this blog. 🙂

• 

  A couple more points:

  (I already answered this for Wave off list, but thought I would share)
  It’s a good question and I suppose Gaydar is really something that’s all in the eyes. Does that make sense? Oh sure, people can go on about effeminate mannerisms (which certainly apply to only a small percentage of gay men) or some other visual cue, but for me, what trips my gaydar is when I look at another man right in the eye and he returns the look with interest (he holds the stare, doesn’t scowl, maybe even smiles). Basically, though, unless you’re a flaming queen (and there’s nothin’ wrong with that!), no one can really tell conclusively that you’re gay…unless you want them to.

  And… for Selah:
  I have an intense fisting scene in an early novel of mine, PENANCE, but it’s hardly romance and is truly horror. It gives me chills to think about it. But I have come to see that just about any sexual activity, if handled with sensitivity, can be done effectively. So I think it can fly. I was once honored to be a guest at a “MAFIA” party back in Chicago. MAFIA is an acronym for an organization called Mid America Fisting in Action. The whole basement room of the party was slings everywhere (at least eight) with a guy waiting to be fisted in each one (there was also a roll of paper towels above each sling and a large tub of Crisco) on the floor beside it. Upstairs, those not engaging in the action (at the moment) chatted amiably about current events, opera, and recipes. What a contrast! And yes, I did participate, but only as a top. I don’t think I could handle a fist, delicate flower that I am.

• 

  LOL Wave, I do love your blog topics *g*

  Fingers. I hate to be repetative, but like most others have said how much prep you need sort of depends on individual experience and how much buttsexin’ you get on a regular basis. And yes, too much alcohol really does help relax your personal area. So I hear O_O

  Gaydar. I dunno. I didn’t even call Clay Aiken, so clearly I know nothing.

  Rimming. Yes please! Fun stuff, yes it is. Not that anyone could tell that from my books or anything…

  Taste. Every guy tastes different. Not a LOT different, as least in my fairly limited experience, but noticably different. You know, I didn’t know semen re-liquified, but it kind of makes sense. Blood does the same thing. Interesting..
  **takes off nurse hat**

  Rick, your stories make me feel soooo boring *g*

• 

  Rick: Great piece, funny and I learned a lot.

• 

  Re: fisting, I’ve read a couple of stories lately that included it (not as the main focus, but it happened) and while had to kind of steel myself to read it because it just seems “wrong” in my little head, I thought it was handled very well and not just “woohoo, stick it up there baby”. Lots of talk about fear of hurting the other person and copious quantities of lube so while its not really my thing, I’m not completely put off by it if its handled appropriately.

• 

  I think I can say with all modesty that this is probably the best poll I have done, bar none. I was so bored, looking out at the snow and the dull dreary winter day and I thought I must do something and this is what happened :DDD

  You guys are awesome.

  Selah, I hope that Rick answered your fisting question. He really does write horrors which he’s trying to get me to read – he thinks I need to expand my horizons 🙂

  Rick
  Thanks again for all the great information. I’m trying to imagine the scene that you described at the MAFIA party in Chicago and the dichotomy between what was happening in the basement and the conversations upstairs. It must have struck most people as an unusual scenario :DDD

  I don’t think I could handle a fist, delicate flower that I am.
  That is too, too funny.

  Ally
  Thank you for joining in the discussion however I can’t believe that you couldn’t call Clay Aiken *g*

  Isn’t it amazing how much information you pick up from these blog posts? Tammy did a great deal of research on semen – didn’t know she had it in her 🙂

• 

  didn’t know she had it in her
  **snickers like a twelve-year-old**

  okay I am going back to writing now. REALLY!!!

• 

  Hey Wave,
  Leave it to you to address the ‘hot topics’. lol. I’ll take on the rimming question and say that I have only recently started writing it in my M/M books. I think when I first started writing it seemed like going too far and I think the readers might have felt the same. However, M/M is getting so much more popular and prevalent that we’re all jaded (readers and writers too) so who knows what we’ll resort to next to push the envelope? Whatever it is, I am quite sure you will run a blog about it. lol
  Hugs, E

• 

  Well, I wish some of my research was a little more reality based and a little less dependent on my google skills. LOL But you get what you get.

• 

  Hi Evangeline

  I’m glad you think my blog posts are “hot topics” and in line with current trends. *g* Some day I hope to be ahead of the curve. Whenever I do a new post I wonder if it’s too daring or “out there” and then I find out that I’m in sync with everyone else. :DDD

  You’re right about the changes in M/M – I can’t believe how far these books have come. The only major difference that I find now between the sexual content in a lot of M/M books and gay erotica, is that M/M is focused on the romance. The types of sex that might have been considered taboo in M/M a few years ago is fairly commonplace now. How far we’ve come 🙂

• 

  Snort…and reading the post and responses to SG:

  He says salt, no such thing as gaydar and we’re going to go work on the whole fisting thing after a strenous bout of rimming.

  I vote for he’s being a slut

• 

  Wow, working late sucks!! I missed the party 🙁 I don’t really have anything new to add tho.

  Definitely agree with the need for stretching to avoid pain, ouch.
  Gaydar, sometimes I’m able to tell if someone is or not, but then sometimes I’m surprised to find they are/aren’t when I thought they were/weren’t 😀
  Rimming, I’ve never participated in it, truthfully never heard of it til I started reading M/M, but with the right person it sounds like it could be lots of fun, and very intimate. Although with Rick’s medical warnings in mind and a hubby not interested in it I’m pretty much left to read about it 🙂
  Taste, definitely not chocolate (too bad), but not something to make a person sick either. Definitely can change a bit with food/drink and from person to person. Didn’t know it was 1-2 tsp but I did know it wasn’t really as much as some of the books make it seem. And no matter what, I don’t like to sleep on a wet spot 😀

  Wave, in closing I’d just like to say you have the absolutely most interesting and fun blog in blogland!!!!!!!!!

  Lily

• 

  Besides now feeling incredibly inexperienced, I’m trying to think of an appropriate response in case someone asks me what I learnt today. LOL.

  Re: gaydar – I would agree with what other people have said about eye contact, facial expressions and body language. I can’t so much ‘spot’ someone who is gay (unless it is loud and clear), but rather tell from their interactions with other men who they might find attractive. So in other words I have a gaydar monitor.

• 

  Shopping List:

  -raspberries
  -apple juice
  -Kleenex
  -Crisco
  -one of Rick’s books

  (Honestly, I’m so glad someone out there is writing unconventional horror fic. Love it!)

  This has been the best blog I’ve seen in a long time. Keep ’em … uh … coming!

• 

  Wave,

  Hi, sorry I’m late to the soiree. Aww “Hot Topics”. Evangeline said it best. U may want to think about calling these type of posts that title.

  Mr. Rick Reed, I see that you made an appearance on the blog. Im still reading the story. I’m a slow reader these days. But if you see my post, know that I WILL email you what I think..What I read and think so far? LOVE, LOVE LOVE VGL..OMG Ethan its scary how I can relate to his story you dont even how (have u been following me..;-) Bubbles? A HOT MESS (in a good and funny way) I cant wait to finish it.

  Okay Im sorry I have to answer some questions ;-D

  1. Gaydar. I cant believe JenB took my catchphase!! 😉 (I call my gaydar my spidey sense since I love Spiderman) Whenever I think I see a gay man I say “My spidey sense is tingling”. To answer your question Wave. IMHO, its almost akin to female intuition. Its like a feeling. But theres a catch it because you cant always go off on stereotypical mannerisms bc you can have het men who can be effeminate and really be gay. And you can have the most masculine acting man be totally gay. So sometimes my gaydar be on point. For example, and I dont know if you know Wave or others who read your blog about author Terry McMillan and her divorced husband Jonathan Plummer who turned out to be gay. When they first were newly married, I remember watching television and seeing Jonathan and Terry together at a movie premiere. I remember looking at Jonathan and I was like “Something is not right about him.” What was it? It was eyebrows..His eyebrows were a little TOO arched. Its was looking like better than Terry’s!?? But I let it side. Then when I saw a Lifetime’s Intimate Portrait, He was on there and the way he was talking I was like “This guy is gay.” The reason is bc his voice was really sing-songy, went up and down in octaves, and had what I call a “gay lisp”..lol for lack of a better term So when he came out causing the divorce , it was a shock to many but not to me. The last time I saw pics of him and even video of him. I mean he is pretty much extremely OUT and flamboyant now..A total 360. He acts and looks totally different than when he and Terry got married Clay Aiken no shocker? Ricky Martin (whats the hold up? suit up put the wings on) Gaydar sometimes its just a feeling.

  2. Rimming. Ha, ha, ha. I laugh bc its an inside thing with my friends where we say “If you are not down with the licking, there will be no sticking”. LOL. As a recipient of it, I can say it is very very very pleasurable. For me, its like foreplay. It definitely relaxs me till I dont need the fingers as you wanted to know about. I know guys who boast that there rimming is their specialty like het guys who say they love giving cunniligus. Ha, ha I know a guy who wished ass was part of the food groups..lol..anyways. Some really love giving it. Now what Rick says is correct, its risky bc of the diseases but a dental dam is great for that. There are even some flavoured dental dams. 😀

  3. Taste test- Raspberries (may have to go to the nearest Whole Foods and check this out) I honestly know that a man’s diet can alter the taste and tactile constituency and texture. I never really taste it (personally this is a trust issue. I have to really know (meaning he is not cheating me) love, and trust a man before I can even entertain that notion) To me that is a very intimate act. Guys in real life do rub themselves on and go to sleep with it sticking to their bodies..They wont be necessary stuck together even though its sticky. Guys normally love for their partners to swallow and cum on their partners bodies from what I can tell, learn and know.

  Hope that answers your questions Wave! I was wondering when you were going to do another post like this..Keep them “cummin” haha More Hot Topics!! They are fun and a blast!

• 

  Wave,

  Im sorry I know for a fact I made some mistakes in my post (sometimes my mind is faster than my fingers on the keyboard ;-P) Particularly the gaydar question. What I meant was that you can have a het man seem effeminate and be totally straight. All in all, you cant go by stereotypes although at times, when it walks and quacks like a duck, its a duck. What Rick said about eye contact and body language is key too. Its like my Mom always say you have to listen for what is not being said and look for things not seen. 😉 Sorry for this additional post..;-P

• 

  OK – Looks like I have work to do.

  Tam
  Re your “google”research – it will come *g* in handy when you do get that upcoming 🙂 reality based experience.

  James
  You are such fun. I can’t wait for your responses to the interview questions (a lot of my “regulars” [sounds like a whorehouse doesn’t it] are panting for your interview to be posted as well, since I leaked the question about the hook in your ceiling). *g*

  He says salt, no such thing as gaydar and we’re going to go work on the whole fisting thing after a strenuous bout of rimming.
  I vote for he’s being a slut

  SG sounds like a lot of fun and sluts are the most fun people I know. 🙂

  KZ
  I’m not sure the author who wrote about the raspberries knew what she was talking about 🙂
  One of Rick’s books would be a great addition to anyone’s bookshelf. He also writes M/M – his latest VGL Male Seeks Same was reviewed on the blog and I’m working my way up to one of his horrors next month – Orientation – which incidentally was just nominated for an Eppie.

  I always thought Crisco was used for cooking but I guess there are different types of “cooking”.

  Thanks for the compliment about th blog – it’s a work in progress – today it’s actually 9 months old; the baby is now here and we’re smacking its ass to get it to scream. *g* I never knew how much fun you were KZ but I guess you had better get back to writing or Treva will have your ass (not literally, of course).:)

  Lily
  Stretching seems to be the key and I’m with you on gaydar – my family says that I have none *g*

  On the rimming thing, the first time I knew about it was when I read about it in gay erotica and now M/M has taken it and run with it. It seems to be the ultimate “pleasure palace”. I will definitely have any gay I date drink lots of juice and maybe eat some raspberries.

  Thank you for the compliment – I really appreciate it b/c you have supported me almost from day 1, and as I said to KZ, the blog is only 9 months old and we’re learning to walk and talk at the same time.

• 

  Lily
  Obviously that should have been “I will definitely have any GUY I date” not “gay”. Talk about a slip *g*

• 

  Ozakie
  I see you just rolled in 🙂
  You haven’t missed all the fun – you’re here, so it’s still going on.

  The reason I love your responses is that they are in depth and give me information I never get from anyone else.

  I have no “spidey sense” but I do remember Terry McMillan’s husband, the rat. I’m sure he knew he was gay when they got married and you’re right, even I could see that he was “off”. The other one I’m waiting to see if he comes out is Star Jones’ ex – both of them still swear that he’s not gay.

  You really put rimming in perspective “If you are not down with the licking, there will be no sticking”. You English guys do have a way with words. 🙂

  I know a guy who wished ass was part of the food groups.
  I have to use this line, it’s so dirty *g* I was reading about dental dams several months ago and you’re going to have to explain to others like me who are ignorant what they are for. Boy this blog should be an “elective” for M/M readers because of all the great information you guys are giving out tonight and on other polls :DDD

  I hear you about the trust issue – can’t be too safe. If you do the raspberry taste test please let me know how it turns out. 🙂

  As I mentioned earlier, when I woke up this morning and saw how miserable it was outside with all the snow and grey skies I thought it was time to try and cheer people up and it seems to have worked.
  Thanks again Ozakie – you did me proud.

• 

  Kris
  I’m trying to think of an appropriate response in case someone asks me what I learnt today.
  I think we all learned a lot today – from each other.

  You have a gaydar monitor and I have no idea who’s who unless a gay man is absolutely “flaming”. My gay friends laugh at me all the time. I live in Toronto with the largest gay population outside of San Francisco and I haven’t a clue.

  Thanks for dropping by Kris and joining in the fun. *g*

• 

  Hi Wave,

  I’m sorry for being so late, but I was pretty “busy” yesterday. *g*

  And you already received so much excellent information on your questions that I can’t add much to what has already been said above. Which is a good thing as it’s nearly lunchtime here. ^^

  So here goes:
  1) Stretching is a necessary component of anal sex but if you need 1, 2 or 3 fingers is different each time. Maybe you won’t do it with fingers at all but use a small dildo.

  2)This question has already been answered better than I could ever have. Normally I wouldn’t approach a man in public just because I think that he could be gay. Dating is far more easier in a gay environment like a gay party or dating sites like GayRomeo.com

  3)I personally love rimming, receiving it is a very pleasurable experience and giving another guy that pleasure is just as nice. But only before anal sex, maybe to relax a guy before stretching him.

  4) The taste of cum can differ slightly but I’ve never experienced cum tasting like raspberries or somethink like that.

  That was fun as always. 😀

  Christian

• 

  I’m late chiming in here, I know, but I couldn’t resist. Wave, you have the BEST blog!

  Okay, these may not be in the order you asked, but here’s my take…

  Taste is definitely different from one man to the next. Different enough that to me some is quite tasty and lickable and some…not so much. Maybe I just have sensitive taste buds or something. On the other hand, I haven’t really noticed a huge difference in taste based on food and drink, but it makes sense. Maybe we just haven’t had the right food and drink at the right time. *g*

  Rimming…very sexy. I’ve used it in many of my stories because I find it a hell of a turn-on. 🙂

  The finger thing…as many people have already said, stretching helps avoid pain, but how much is needed (or not) depends on a lot of different factors. Speaking from experience, in the right mood, when one is really relaxed, and there’s been lots of foreplay of other types, and there’s plenty of lube, it may not take much. If the receiver is tense, or hasn’t been taken in that way before or not frequently, then more would most likely be necessary. It doesn’t have to be fingers that do the stretching and relaxing, though. There are other ways… 🙂

  As far as gaydar, I think some people are just more intuitive and/or observant than others, which makes it easier for them to pick up on subtleties. And maybe practice helps?

• 

  As usual, I'm not going to say anything very useful. It seems to me that the answer to these questions can easily be found in heterosexual experience. 99% of sex is basically the same for same sex & opposite sex couples. We're not weird, five-gendered aliens. Just use your common sense.

  I think this is true even for 'gaydar.' Everyone picks up subtle, non-verbal cues when dealing with other people. You get a sense that someone you're speaking to is anxious to change the subject, is attracted to you, is annoyed but trying not to show it. Some are more intuitive than others, of course, and better at picking up on these things.

• 

  oh Wave, you’re insatiable for m/m romance knowledge, aren’t you?

  I enjoyed all the questions and answers here, so thank you.

  personally, I think:
  Q1: 1, 2 and 3 is a normal step-up stretching, it’s smiliar to het sex too. And I suppose the width of 3 fingers is similar to the real thing that’s going in 😛

  Q2: Gaydar… I think it’s all about eye-contact, to be honest. Some straight women can read it well as well, because if women are perceptive of glances they get from straight guys, then they will notice the difference when a gay man look at her.

  Q3: Rimming… mmm… to be, this is like bondage or most BDSM stuff – fun to read in a story and buy its effect, but not so much in reality. But it’s a spicy ingredient for a story, I’d agree.

  Q4: I think we all have a general idea how it should taste like, but diet does make a difference. For example, a straight vegetarian would taste different than a meat-lover (LOL)… but rasberries… damn. that’s very imaginative!

• 

  Hi Christian
  I’m so happy you made it and as usual you gave us great information. No one else mentioned an alternative to fingers – the dildo. I’ll bet some of the authors will take your idea and run with it.

  Again, with the name of the GayRomeo.com website you have provided another option for gay men and gay followers of this site may check it out as an option – Internet dating. Re the raspberries, I think there might be a run on them in the grocery story. *g*

  Thanks again for your input Christian – it’s much appreciated! Btw, I hope you learned something from the comments too. 🙂

  ML
  It’s such a joy to have you here participating in our poll. The guys and the gals have been very helpful and I hope you’re taking notes 🙂

  Re taste – a few people mentioned Scotch, pineapple or apple juice ingested immediately before “doing the deed” to act as a ‘cum enhancer’ *g* but the jury is still out on the raspberries!

  On gaydar, it seems that as you said, its more of an intuitive skill than anything else. Christian suggested an alternative to the fingers – a small dildo.
  And as regards rimming, all of the novices are listening to the experts with wide open eyes and bated breath possibly with a view to traveling that road in the future.

  Thanks again ML for dropping by – I know how busy you are and I really appreciate it.

• 

  Hi Batboy
  Thank you for coming by.

  We’re not weird, five-gendered aliens. Just use your common sense.
  No one, certainly not me, compared gay men to “weird, five-gendered aliens.” A lot of the people who commented on the post are gay men and they didn’t mention that they felt marginalized by these topics.

  As I indicated in the post, this blog reviews almost 100% gay erotica or M/M romances, consequently the topics that come up or the polls always deal with gay issues in these books. If I reviewed het books then those would be the topics for the polls. I think that the straight people who responded to the poll, authors AND readers, have all been respectful in their comments.

  Thanks for the insight re gaydar. Everyone picks up subtle, non-verbal cues when dealing with other people
  I believe I raised this topic with you a few months ago and you very kindly gave me your perspective. At the time I asked the question it was for a young gay friend who was having difficulty meeting like men and didn’t want to do the Internet dating or gay clubs thing.

  Also the other reason I asked the question about gaydar is there is a specific type of M/M romance story we refer to as “gay for you” which feature “straight” or bi-curious men or those who are in denial. These stories have different scenarios for the guys getting together and part of it is “how can you tell”.

  I always love your comments BB because you never fail to give me a kick in the seat of my pants which I think is so hot. *g* I could say I love you for this but I don’t want to embarrass you in public – oh what the hell, you’re so lovable :DDD

• 

  Why is it I can’t resist this even though I’m late to the party? 😉

  Gaydar is, as someone said, akin to intuition. I’ve always had such sharp intuition that my friends have joked I’m really a superhero and my power is empathy or telepathy. 🙂 So, 90% of the time, my gaydar is right on… for men, at least. It’s about 15% for women, which is frustrating, since I’m a lesbian and that’s the one I really need. I’m not sure which cues tip me off, but most of the time it has to do with eye contact. They look at me and I think, “You’re gay.” One of my gay friends says that “family recognizes family,” and maybe that’s so.

  I’m leaving the other questions to someone else *grin* but one comment on the five-gendered alien thing: As someone whose education and career is focused on gender and sexuality, there is proof that there are at least five distinct genders. They’re waaaaay too confusing to get into right now, though.

• 

  Hi Jules
  You’re not late to the party – I won’t be summarizing the comments until next week (although how I will capture the essence of everything that was said I really don’t know) *g*

  It seems, as you said, that gaydar has a lot to do with intuition and it’s too bad that it doesn’t work for you, being lesbian. But hey, 15% is 15%

  The “five gendered alien” thing was from Batboy who likes to yank my chain. I think he really likes me but pretends otherwise. But on the other hand I hope he sees this. 🙂

  As someone whose education and career is focused on gender and sexuality, there is proof that there are at least five distinct genders.

• 

  Hi Eve
  I thought I would start the New Year off right by cheering everyone up and it seemed to have worked 🙂

  Starting from the bottom – I never thought about the difference in taste if a guy were a vegetarian instead of a meat eater! Wow. Heh, everyone is out to try raspberries – I should get a cut from the profits.

  Re stretching – my comment related to the sameness in approach in M/M books – 1, 2 and then 3 fingers. But Christian offered another option – a small dildo. Why didn’t some of the authors try this?

  It looks like a consensus that gaydar is mostly intuition and that a lot can be gained from the eyes. Rimming is kind of exotic and forbidden but what a way to go. Thanks Eve.

• 

  Leaving Lurksville to post for the first time (great blog and reviews, btw). I’m female and not one for labels, but I guess you can consider me bi, with more experience with men.

  1) 1, 2, 3: Am not sold on the formula, though I expect it now from all the M/M I’ve read. I’d prefer some variation, but I’d rather see it formulaic than be completely unrealistic. For example, I read a story recently (won’t name names) where early in the story, a bi-curious (or gay-curious?) man is the receiver of anal sex for the first time and there is no prep at all, and he’s all immediately loving it with no mention of pain or even slight discomfort. It was so unbelievable to me that I couldn’t get into the rest of the book. From personal experience, stretching and lube is key, unless you are very drunk (alcohol makes everything looser). I was young, sober, and had no clue, and it was a seriously bad experience. I’ve since gotten an education and even though it’s not my cup of tea, it was an easier time with the right prep. And yes, it depends on the person how much. My ex-hubby loved ass play, and after the first time or two where I used finger(s), we bought a slim dildo/vibrator that was actually shaped like a large finger. He adored that thing. I guess it took care of several “itches” for him, and though he never even hinted that he might be bi-curious, I can’t help but now wonder…

  2) Gaydar: I have it and can only explain, as others have, that it’s in the look/eyes, and a sense about someone. I usually can pick out both men and women who enjoy the same sex.

  3) Rimming: Love. It. I love doing it, I love having it done to me. I’m a very oral person, so I never even hesitated. My ex said it was the most pleasurable thing he ever felt, even more than BJs, more than vaginal intercourse. It, along with the vibrator, were his favorite sexual combination, and the perfect start to an evening of fun. We’d shower, then go to town! Maybe TMI? And I now know that the right amount of rimming alone can relax the sphincter enough to bypass stretching.

  4) Semen flavor: For me depended on the guy, and though I thought it all had the same base flavor and consistency, it did change some with diet and hydration. The vegetarians did have a milder or slightly sweet flavor, though garlic, asparagus and broccoli seem to make it a little more bitter, and lots of fruit made it sweeter. I have also found that cigarettes and pot definitely make it more bitter. I have heard that diabetics seem to be sweeter, which makes sense some with insulin production being off.

  Oh, and for those interested in fisting, I had a really eye-opening experience when I stumbled upon the website Fisting Central. It’s mostly for for-pay fisting videos, but there are free trailers/scenes for each movie, and OMG, I was stunned. But it was certainly educational…

• 

  Hi Aunt Lynn
  I’m so glad that you’re no longer lurking and it was great to read your comments.

  So I’ll start from the bottom. *g* I did say that I hoped we weren’t going to talk about fisting, but despite my pleas you and Rick and a number of others seem determined to go there. Maybe I might even sneak a look at the site you recommended since it’s one thing I have never seen. Oh boy :DDD

  The vegetarians did have a milder or slightly sweet flavor, though garlic, asparagus and broccoli seem to make it a little more bitter, and lots of fruit made it sweeter. I’ll make sure the next guy I date becomes a fruit-only guy and there will be no more broccoli or asparagus. How did you ever figure it out that some veggies made come taste bitter?

  Wow, a woman who loves rimming! This is new b/c I thought it was a sport practiced mostly by gay men. How wrong am I??? Someone mentioned (either Amanda or KZ I think) that men have more nerve centers near their hole and I guess that makes sense with the prostate and all. Did you know that women have a prostate? I did a post about the male prostate and that’s when I found out. To be fair I had to do one about the fictitious female G spot 🙂

  Gaydar – I’ll never be able to spot em so I’ve given up trying. But it seems to be consistent that there is a look in the eyes. I’m going to start looking into eyes more rather than lower down whenever I meet a guy.

  And last, I do understand about the fingers. As I said earlier I just wanted a change from what seemed to be the erotica bible (is there one?) of 1, 2 and 3 fingers. Since we’re talking about stretching I’m sure that other things, including a dildo, can be a great substitute.

  Thank you so much for writing Aunt Lynn and I hope you come back to blog and not only when I do polls because those are only about 1 every 2 months. Have to think up topics in between posts. *g* Have a great day.

• 

  How did you ever figure it out that some veggies made come taste bitter?
  Process of elimination. I noticed a change and we examined his meals for the day.

  Wow, a woman who loves rimming! This is new b/c I thought it was a sport practiced mostly by gay men…men have more nerve centers near their hole
  I can say that I was jealous of my ex; I loved it, but he loved it more. Almost could come just from it. And I did not know about the female prostate. Just went and looked it up: Skene’s gland. Hmmmm…interesting. Now off to do more research…

  I’ll definitely return and participate more, thanks for the encouragement.

• 

  Isn’t research great? That’s why I’m a walking encyclopedia like Wikipedia. *g* Looking forward to having you on the blog again Aunt Lynn.

  Here’s the links to the posts on the male prostate in case you’re interested which I think have some information on Skene’s gland

  http://reviewsbyjessewave.blogspot.com/2008/09/what-do-we-really-know-about-male.html

  http://reviewsbyjessewave.blogspot.com/2008/09/prostate-question-results.html

• 

  Ally: Oh, be still my heart! Sommer and Dean play with fisting? Gaaah, why isn’t it the 27th yet?

• 

  Ally
  I’m not squicked by fisting – I’ve just never seen it in my “research”. Looking forward to increasing my knowledge in this area in case I have to pass a test *g*

• 

  LOL I am totally putting a test on my website! Just for you, doll-baby 😀 😀 😀

  Jules, perhaps if you had a time-turner, such as in the Harry Potter universe? Hm, or do those only work in reverse??
  **ponders**
  Okay now that question is going to bug me. Does it say anything in the books about that?

• 

  Ally
  You do realize that you’re talking about Harry Potter in the same context as fisting don’t you? Seems improper to me, speaking as someone who likes to observe Mrs. Manners’ rules. :DDD

• 

  Heh, you should read some of the Harry Potter slash out there *g*

• 

  You’re so bad. I respect HP and I wouldn’t want to read about him doing naughty things in slash fiction. 🙂

• 

  Oh, well I’ll be happy to read extra for you!

• 

  Chiming in late, but I’m here. 😉

  1. What Jen said as far as real life practice. 😉 As for writing a fictional love scene, I find introducing fingers allows for seductive buildup, particularly if the recipient is a virgin while we, the reader, know this is a new experience for him. (Or her — I have used finger count in het to show a woman being prepared for vaginal sex as well!) The number of fingers used, in relation to prior love scenes, can also establish intensity of the love scene as well as show the top taking their time to prepare their partner.

  2. I have pretty accurate gaydar, but then I’m bisexual and spent a good deal of my youth in the company of gay men. It’s just something I can instinctively spot in a person about 95 percent of the time. *shrugs*

  3. As pointed out, rimming is not for gay men only. It can be performed on either sex, by either sex. It’s very taboo, which adds a scintillating element to the practice. It’s also about as intimate as it gets sexually, so it can add depth to a love scene in showing just what one partner is willing to do for the other. With that being said, rimming in real life should only be practiced on a freshly-washed partner for hygenic and health reasons.

  4. I honestly can’t describe the taste of either pre-cum or cum. I use “salty” by default in my writing because it’s a good catchall adjective that most readers seem to agree with. Personally I think it has a weird watery taste… and yes I know water doesn’t have a taste, but that’s how I personally think of it. “Watery” doesn’t really convey a specific on paper though, so “salty” it is. I’ve heard that asparagus can make cum taste bitter, just as eating onions can leave a female’s natural lubricant tasting and smelling of onions.

• 

  Ally
  I’m waiting for the test on your website so that I can update my “research”

  Katrina
  You’re not late. I won’t be summarizing this poll until probably Tuesday.

  1. Fingers: I do understand the concept that men have to be stretched (same as women) especially since the sphincter is not as elastic, but what I was querying was that all authors seem to write this exactly the same. As the author I quoted in my post said
  For example: one finger in, then two, then three. Heck, stick the whole fist up there, why don’t ya?” Of course she was being facetious when she suggested sticking a fist up there, but she illustrated the point I was trying to make.

  2.I guess gaydar does exist, going by your experience, and it’s intuitive. Also for those men who are not as aware, the assessing “look” and the eyes are probably just as good a barometer.

  3. Rimming: Obviously the “receiver” would love it but I wondered how the giver felt. From your comments and everyone else, it could be just as pleasurable both ways as long as certain precautions were taken.

  4: Taste Test – I think that asparagus and broccoli are given a bad rap *g*

  Thanks so much Katrina. You have always responded to my polls and I very much appreciate your input. You’re a sweetheart.

• 

  Hi Wave,

  “No one, certainly not me, compared gay men to “weird, five-gendered aliens.” A lot of the people who commented on the post are gay men and they didn’t mention that they felt marginalized by these topics.”
  On this one, exceptional occasion, I was not complaining about marginalization. I was just urging people, even writers, to look to their own sexual experiences, because for the most part, sex is sex. Don’t straight women already know these things from their own experiences with men? Besides, I think it might improve veracity if a writer had to ask herself, ‘Would this make sense if I were the one doing it?’

  M. Jules Aedin: “As someone whose education and career is focused on gender and sexuality, there is proof that there are at least five distinct genders.”
  I understand the Polish language has 5 genders: Personal Masculine, Animate Masculine, Inanimate Masculine, Feminine, and Neuter. That’s what you were referring to, right?

  “The “five gendered alien” thing was from Batboy who likes to yank my chain. I think he really likes me but pretends otherwise.”
  I’m not pretending very well, obviously.

• 

  Haha, no, not Polish language. In the gender of human sexuality, there is Absolute Male, Absolute Female, and varying degrees of in-between, including True Androgyne, with is both-and. (The other two are Male-leaning Androgyne and Female-leaning Androgyne.) In certain animal species, there are more variations than that, including a certain species of fish that has a secondary-male gender that will only mate in threesome situations, sandwiched between a primary male and a primary female. *g* It’s been a while since I studied that directly, so I may not have all the terms right, but that’s the basic concept.

• 

  “In the gender of human sexuality, there is Absolute Male, Absolute Female, and varying degrees of in-between, including True Androgyne, with is both-and. (The other two are Male-leaning Androgyne and Female-leaning Androgyne.)”
  Very interesting. So technically, you’re talking about sexes rather than genders, I take it?

• 

  I respect HP and I wouldn’t want to read about him doing naughty things in slash fiction. 🙂
  Your loss! 😉 I’ll pick up what Ally doesn’t read. I dearly loves me some Harry/Draco slash, and it’s how I started reading M/M. And yes, I can think of at least four fisting stories that I’ve read, and I am sure there are more.

• 

  Batboy
  Because you are being you I will send you my Friday post. I had stopped doing so because I didn’t want you to say that I was exploiting men although you can continue to think so. *g*

  On the other hand, maybe I won’t send you the post because that’s a reward and you don’t deserve one. 🙂 If you want to enjoy today’s fare (yes it’s after midnight) you’ll have to check them out on the blog.

• 

  Taking a break from the real world…

  ONE finger…TWO fingers…THREE fingers…oh, I love counting fingers bwahahaha. Count Chocula moment. It makes sense because that’s what all the sex books say?

  Gaydar. I has it. Don’t know if it’s the way a guy carries themselves, or the way they walk or talk, but my gaydar is rarely wrong. And the ones who deny it are frickin liars *g*.

  Rimming. I’m too much of a nurse to want it or do it. I mean, who wants to stick their tongue in a hole and lick the poop off someone’s colon? *shudders* and there’s e.coli and so many other bacteria…No thanks. I think I’d rather have thrush from eating the yeast in someone’s cooter. Or not. I only put edible food in my mouth. I don’t want anything swimming down my throat. Can you imagine the sperms getting halfway down your espohagus and thinking. “No seriously, I’ve been swimming for days. Where the frick’s the uterus?”

• 

  Emmy
  I think you should be on Saturday Night Live, seriously – you and K.Z. Snow.

  So from the bottom – yes I’m going there since I raised it and I have to be brave.

  I mean, who wants to stick their tongue in a hole and lick the poop off someone’s colon? *shudders* and there’s e.coli and so many other bacteria..

  I’m having breakfast and my stomach is not good at the best of times but I have a pretty active imagination and the pictures you’re drawing are not wholesome as I try to finish my bran flakes. There are probably millions who practice rimming and very few have reported any disease from this practice. I think that hygiene is the prime directive here as explained by Rick Reed (I WON’T expand on this – too early in the morning *g*) and as long as the parties involved are “clean” [read monogamous] then they should be able to do what turns them on.

  Can you imagine the sperms getting halfway down your esophagus and thinking. “No seriously, I’ve been swimming for days. Where the frick’s the uterus?” SRSLY???

  Now back to breakfast. Thank you Emmy for your usual scintillating input :DDD

• 

  Aunt Lynn
  You’re going to have to send me the names of the fisting stories (I can’t believe you are reading slash about Harry) 🙂 and the fisting site. This is all for educational purposes and “research” of course.

• 

  Wave:”On the other hand, maybe I won’t send you the post because that’s a reward and you don’t deserve one.”
  What, no spanking?

• 

  OMG
  The thought of spanking you BB has the sweat running down my body and I haven’t even started wielding the whip. Don’t do this to me because the next poll might be on BDSM ……hmmmm that’s a thought *g*

  My Friday hawt menz are on the blog if you want to take a peek – every one who has checked them out seems to think they are really hot today. And before you say anything about exploitation – two of the people who have licked them are gay men from Europe and they think this is one of the best features of the blog :DDD

• 

  Batboy:

  I was just urging people, even writers, to look to their own sexual experiences, because for the most part, sex is sex. Don’t straight women already know these things from their own experiences with men? Besides, I think it might improve veracity if a writer had to ask herself, ‘Would this make sense if I were the one doing it?’

  Thank you for this – many of us DO write from our own sexual experiences when we write about things like anal sex and rimming, and although we often use two male characters to portray it, we do have some clue what we’re talking about. At least from a certain perspective.

• 

  You’re going to have to send me the names of the fisting stories (I can’t believe you are reading slash about Harry) 🙂 and the fisting site. This is all for educational purposes and “research” of course.

  *g* I’ll compile a list and send it to you today.

• 

  Thank you Aunt Lynn.

  Everyone who visits this blog benefits from my “research.” I hope you will check out the hawt menz on the blog today *g*.

• 

  Batboy

  …many of us DO write from our own sexual experiences when we write about things like anal sex and rimming, …….
  we do have some clue what we’re talking about.

  See how much trouble you cause! You did this before and I know you will delight in doing so again, damn! But I still love you even though I’m female *g*

• 

  See how much trouble you cause! You did this before and I know you will delight in doing so again, damn! But I still love you even though I’m female *g*

  He’s not causing trouble – I’m agreeing with him, and I loved his comment. He’s right – every sexual question in this post could easily be answered by women – and was! We do have experience with a lot of what we write about and it’s nice to see someone saying that.

• 

  Big LOL at Emmy’s comments and Rick’s article on rimming!!!! Now I need to check Rick’s books to see if the style is as witty 😀

• 

  Mary
  Did you check VGL Male Seeks Same? The review is on the blog.

• 

  Harry. Potter. Slash. OMG, Wave…you have NO idea what you’re missing!!! Love, love, LOVE it!! Been reading it for years! Whoever said that about Harry and Draco…that pairing totally does it for me, too. Seriously hot.

• 

  Whoever said that about Harry and Draco…that pairing totally does it for me, too. Seriously hot.
  It was me. I never thought I’d love it as much as I do. Printed out some favorites to carry around. I pimp it wherever I go, though I often get very strange looks… I am hoping to make a convert out of Wave yet!

• 

  Elle
  I was just trying to defend you – I misread your comment b/c no one ever agrees with BB.

  ML, Aunt Lynn and Ally
  You guys are insane. How could you besmirch Harry and Draco like this. Bad, bad, bad. ML I’m really shocked at you. First Ally, then you. Well maybe I’ll take a peek if someone sends me the link (not saying I’m convinced, but if I can talk about fisting I guess I can check this out) [can’t believe I’m actually doing this – Batboy will never respect me in the morning]. He’s going to kill me for dragging his name into this filthy discussion, but what the hell! :DDD

  Mary
  Emmy is a very bad person and she uses her experience as a nurse as a club to beat the rest of us.

  Aunt Lynn
  You’re going to have to find another pseud. I feel very funny talking with someone with the name “Aunt Lynn” about fisting *g* I think you’re probably a big brawny guy who is pulling the wool over our eyes.

• 

  I enjoyed the Harry Potter books, but not enough to look for fanfic about it. And I’ve read a lot of fanfiction in my days. Simply, there is just no specific pairing in the HP books that I wanted to see more of, or that didn’t happen and I wanted to see. Harry/Draco holds no appeal for me, sorry. 🙂

• 

  I’ve been in love with Harry for…well…far too long. Draco, on the other hand, I couldn’t stand. I found nothing appealing about him. But when I started reading HP slash I caved and read some with Harry and Draco…and holy moly. I was hooked. Which completely shocked me given my extreme dislike for Draco in the past. Now, can’t get enough! *g*

• 

  Wave: I sent you some things by email, so check your gmail account. Or I can post them here, whichever you prefer.

  And you can just simply call me Lynn or Lynn Z, if that helps. 🙂 No big brawny male person here in this 4’11” girly bod!

• 

  My favorite H/D fisting story:
  http://thehexfiles.net/viewstory.php?sid=9165
  Okay, so it’s not ABOUT fisting, just has it a bit, but still. I looooove this little story. Love the use of language here 🙂

  Well back to the WIP for me… only about 3K to go!

• 

  Thanks Lynn
  I’ll check my email. I appreciate the information. It’ll come in handy for my next poll. Shhh, don’t tell BB, he’ll be so pissed.
  Oh and I’ll start calling you Lynn and I’m glad that your body parts match the name *g* Why “Aunt Lynn”?

  Ally
  I should have known that you would be in the mix somewhere. I’ll check out the site. This is all for research, of course. 🙂

• 

  Ally: that is a great story.

  Wave: “Aunt Lynn” because my multiple nephews and niece call me that, along with several friends who I constantly feed. Just habit, I guess, refering to myself as Aunt Lynn. *g* And it separates me from other Lynns around.

• 

  Lynn
  Makes sense to me. Let’s hope they don’t google your name and end up here *g* You would have a lot of ‘splaining to do.

• 

  *g*

• 

  LOLZ @ the HP slash. Actually, it was the older Malfoy I wanted. I has a thing for sexy mens with long white hair…Lucius, Nuada…and lets not get into the LOTR Lorien boys *dies from teh sexxey overload*

• 

  Lynn & Ally
  I'm deeply shocked at both of you – now you're exchanging fisting stories??? I thought I said I was hoping we wouldn't go there.*g* Now it looks like fisting might be featured prominently in my next poll with a couple of other topics I'm thinking about….. Don't worry, the next poll won't be for a couple of months. After this one we're all probably suffering from that deadly sin, TMI 🙂 Right now I'm gathering information for my next poll by doing "research."

  Emmy
  Et tu Brutus??? LOTR???? Have I been living under a bush? OK, don't answer that or I'll have to come over and smack you.

• 

  “I was just trying to defend you – I misread your comment b/c no one ever agrees with BB.”
  I’m so misunderstood!

  Nice Friday selection, by the way. I happened to glance at it.

• 

  BB
  Some people really love you (don’t know who, but there must be a couple)*g* and then there’s the rest of us.

• 

  The following comment was sent to me by email a couple of days ago. I’m adding this information to the exhaustive research on this topic since my correspondent seems to know of what she/he speaks. 🙂

  Rimming tastes a little like peanut butter sometimes, and a little more like hazelnut butter other times.

  Garlic comes through in the semen within half an hour. So does asparagus, which is worse. A vegetarian meal without garlic makes for a milder taste. Generally, though, cum tastes bitter as all fuck. Because saying so “isn’t romantic” you have to say something else. I have used “strong” and “strongly salty” but never “sweet.” People who say “sweet” either have spent more time looking at the chemical breakdown than actually experiencing the taste, or they’re speaking metaphorically. Or, to quote the man in black, they’re selling something.

  A two-finger massage is adequate prep for most dicks. Prepping with three fingers indicates the dick in question is of magnum size. Or it could indicate the fingerer doesn’t really know what he’s doing–thinks it amounts to “stretching.” But let’s be kind and assume it means the cock is dreamworthy.

  Please feel free to use the info, but not linked to my name. I’d like to leave a little question as to the depth of my research.

• 

  Hi Guys

  I just received the enclosed comment by email on this post from a male reader, which I'm happy to add to the debate.:)

  Here's my "expert" opinion from your gay questions blog.

  1.The fingers thing. Three seems like overkill lol. A little fingering is
  normal but not an absolute with an experienced partner. It can be skipped
  lol.
  2.Gaydar is hard to explain, you just get a feel for someone. You can't
  always tell, but sometimes you can. Something in the eyes is what I
  ususally catch. BTW I really hate the whole just gay for you thing, it
  doesn't work that way, not with men anyways. Women will do that though,
  such as Anne Heche.
  3.Rimming. I will be the giver with the right guy. It can be pleasurable
  just as anything you're doing orally with a partner can give the giver
  pleasure.
  4. Cum is salty, bitter and kind of thick. Guys normally clean up with a
  towel. If you don't wipe up you will wake up sticky.
  Hope this helps. Feel free to ask more questions if you think of any, glad
  to help!

  Brian

• 

  Everything has been covered, so I’ll just chime on on the 1-2-3 issue. Three is a “magical” number in the Western storytelling tradition. 3 little pigs, 3 princesses, something happening on the 3rd night. A Chinese or Native American storyteller would not be compelled to describe the 3 fingers. I think it’s the Disney version of happy gay sex, instead of a guy stretching a hole with 2 fingers for a long time while being patient and encouraging 😉 😀

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