Bruce and Rick at Edys, Rome
A Reflection by Rick R Reed
For my partner Bruce and me, June and July are celebratory times. Our anniversary was June 15 (yea! we have made it to nine years now…and I see many more ahead of us) and both of our birthdays fall in July (mine on the first, along with our Boston Terrier Lily) and Bruce on the 12th.
Bruce and I were having dinner at a little French bistro in the Capitol Hill neighborhood of Seattle on my birthday last week and, as the wine flowed, we talked. He told me how content he was with his life and that, really, there was nothing else he could wish for. I felt the same way. It’s nice when you’re on the same page. He said we had something special and that one word summed up what we had.
I’ll get to that word later.
But it wasn’t easy getting to this page in the book of our lives. And thinking about Bruce and me has made me consider my other special love, and that’s writing. If any of you out there have followed my career at all, you’ll know that, lately, my stories have plotted out the course of love just as much as they have the build-up of suspense or horrifying revelations. I can proudly say I am now just as much a romance writer as I am a horror or dark suspense writer. Heck, even my werewolf novel last year, THE BLUE MOON CAFE is, at its heart, a love story.
You may wonder why my writing has slipped off in this new direction. I certainly have. And I think it has a lot to do with Bruce. See, we’re happy. We’re content. We’re settled and in a love that only continues to grow with the passage of time.
I don’t know if this is a leap of logic that makes sense but I think that I am more drawn to writing stories that map out the connections made by the human heart these days because I am not expending as much energy seeking out that connection in my own personal life. Now that I have found my one true love, my soul mate, I can open up and write more freely about what draws people together and what keeps them apart. I find those connections fascinating and I don’t believe I could write about them objectively until after I had found, after much searching, a relationship that would work for me, one that would nurture and sustain.
Before Bruce, there was a marriage to a woman and having a child. Both of those were–and still are–wonderful in their own ways. But trying to live a life that was not my own was not only emotionally exhausting, it was dangerous in many ways. With a lot of heartache, I had to let that dream, which really was never for me, go. I came out in my early thirties, in a world where gay marriage was not really even being discussed yet and the specter of AIDS loomed large. It was not necessarily a good time for a gay man to be experiencing the world and finding himself. But then, when is it ever a good time? But my point is I went through a lot of searching, a lot of experimenting, a lot of bad choices, always in search of love, and always coming up empty-handed.
A lot of those disappointments occurred because the real love I needed–the love of myself–I had yet to discover. I look at my thirties as my true adolescence, with its attendant growing pains.
It wasn’t until I was 43 that I met Bruce. Gone were the hopes that I’d meet a special man in some bar or even a gay social group. The era of the Internet was on us in a big way and I placed an ad with
the picture below and the headline, “What’s Your Story?” Bruce was one of several who responded, and the only one with whom I connected. He sent me some pictures of himself, one of which is below. He said things in his very first response to my ad that resonated, things like, “OK- as far as “fun” is concerned– at least the fun that isn’t entailed in my listed interests above- I mentioned I’m a pretty versatile guy, though that includes being romantic as well. When guys say they like everything “mild to wild”, I chuckle. Just strikes me
as funny, I guess. ( Humor is a big thing for me– gotta have a good sense of humor.)” and “Ambivalence is a turn-off for me. And attraction is such a subjective and somewhat nebulous thing. I’ve learned to trust my gut instincts about it.”
I wrote back. He wrote back and we started a daily correspondence that would last two weeks, two weeks before we even laid eyes on one another, even though we lived less than two miles away from the other. We began to get to know each other and we both liked what we saw, what we read in our lines to each other, and what was between them. We had both reached a stage where we were ready for the other. Timing is everything.
We met in person and it was magic.
I won’t say we didn’t have some bumps in the road, though, getting to where we are today. Nothing really good ever comes easily. But Bruce and I were always willing to talk–whether it was face to face
or through e-mails (and now texts and Facebook updates!). The line of communication has always been open and I think that’s what’s made the difference with us.
It’s also made it possible for me to be able to sit back and be more objective about writing romance because finally, at age 53, I finally, finally, have a handle on what works and what doesn’t. Until I had that key, I honestly believe I couldn’t have written convincingly or effectively about romantic love.
So you can expect two things from me–one, that I will always be in love with Bruce and two, that you will enjoy many more stories of love and romance between two men–because of Bruce and what he gives to me.
Oh, and that one word I alluded to above? The one Bruce used when he said it summed up what we had?
That word is family.
**************
Rick R. Reed is the author of dozens of published novels, novellas, and short stories. He is a two-time EPIC eBook Award winner. His work has caught the attention of Unzipped magazine, “The Stephen King of gay horror,”; Lambda Literary, “A writer that doesn’t disappoint,”; and Dark Scribe magazine, “an established brand – perhaps the most reliable contemporary author for thrillers that cross over between the gay fiction market and speculative fiction.” He lives in Seattle. Visit him on the web at http://www.rickrreed.com or at his blog .
What a fabulous and moving post. Thanks so much for sharing that with us, Rick. I’m at a similar age and stage of life, and every word of yours rings true :).
Thanks, Clare. It takes a while to get here, but what a good place to be.
I just wanted to thank you for sharing your story Rick. It was a pleasure to read.
Simply beautiful.
What a beautiful story! It makes my heart flutter. I’m so glad you found your love and your family.
What a nice post to read first thing in the morning. Thank you, Rick, for sharing your heart with us.
Thank you for sharing this. This gave me a smile this morning. I love a true love story and wish we heard more of that instead of all the heartbreak we see everyday.
Thank you for sharing – and making me smile and that little Lily – could she be any cuter – mind you so is Bruce! 🙂 Wishing you and yours very many happy years ahead.
Actually, I don’t think either of them could be any cuter.
Aw…this makes me happy. It’s wonderful when people connect on such a deep and meaningful level. Best to you both!
This post was so sweet and romantic, Rick. And it explained for me something I had wondered about myself for a long time; that is, why I never wrote romance during my twenties. Because I was busy looking for real life romance! It makes so much sense.
Thank you for sharing your story.
It does make sense, doesn’t it? But I wonder why I wanted to write so much about horror, crime, and dark things? Another post to ponder…
That’s so sweet ^.^ Such a romantic story (and it isn’t even!).
…”even fiction” is what that was supposed to be. Me and my quick fingers.
What a great post. Nice to see that Happily Ever After doesn’t just happen in books 🙂
What a lovely post. Thanks for sharing, Rick. And happy birthday to both of you (from another July birthday-person!).
L
Thank you Rick…you are second person in two days to share such a loving story of becoming a family and finding true love. You both make my heart happy.
Laura
Loving ourselves is what allows us to truly love another human being. If we accept ourselves unconditionally then we can do the same with others.
My partner and I have been together for 15 years. At times it seems like longer but then there are times when it feels like we just met, so I can certainly relate.
I’m glad you found “the one.” Makes going through life a bit easier knowing there’s someone there to help keep the monsters at bay.
Hugs to you both and congratulations. Oh, and happy anniversary!
Great post, Rick. Thanks for sharing.
Rick, thanks for sharing this personal journey. I found myself driving home a number of years ago and coming to the same conclusion. I was content. I hope the peace that fills your souls today will always be there.
I’ve always found the word ‘family’ to be a much scarier and less comforting word than you do, but that’s probably because I’m coming from an Asian background with family who aren’t overly supportive. I’ve always had to distinguish between the family I’ve been born into and the family and the one you build up around you. That said, my relationship isn’t at nine years and neither of us are as settled into our careers as I think you and your partner are. Maybe in another decade or so! Thanks so much for sharing your story, Rick!
Thanks, Matthew. Yes, the important thing to remember is that family is defined by love and not necessarily by blood. As we grow older, the family we choose often becomes more important than our family of origin. Good luck to you on your journey.
Rick
Happy anniversary and happy birthdays from another July birthday person. I’m so glad you did this post so that we could all share in your happiness. Give Bruce a kiss from me and tell him that you both have a helluva man. 😀 Oh I almost forgot Lily 😮 give her a kiss too.
Will do, Wave. And happy birthday to you, too. Thanks for giving me this chance to wax romantic.
That was lovely and moving post, Rick. It’s heartwarming to read a true love story – there is hope for the rest of us. 🙂
Thank you for sharing and good luck to both of you!
That was a great letter to us your fans. I am happy for you and Bruce to have found love with one another, and I send my graditute to Bruce for making your writing I think better ’cause who doesn’t love “Love”. Here is to many more years and Happy belated B-day for you and early for Bruce.XXOO
Lovely post Rick.
I know exactly what you mean. I only started writing romance after I found the love of my life as well (online also BTW) and the conflict part of my stories I will happily leave to my imagination rather than adding to my own story. *fingers crossed* I wish the same for you and your family.
May the best of your yesterdays be the worst of your tomorrows.
Wonderful post, and so true about love. Sometimes it just sneaks up on a person, other times we need to experience a life well lived before we can meet our mate. I also feel well loved and amazingly blessed in my relationship, and this frees a person to write about love. To many more years of happiness with Bruce!
Lovely blog post!
Made me all weepy, Rick. Beautiful. They always say “write what you know” 🙂
That was a lovely story. As someone on the flip side of life, it was good to see that a happy ending is possible!
Here’s to the both of you! (waves a little imaginary martini glass in the air)
Really, truly, wonderful!
Thanks for sharing your story.
A lesbian couple once told us that the first seven years are the toughest as you get to really know each other and as you negotiate the differences. (We were at five years at the time.) Congrats on making it through that period.
Fred and I have been together 19 years now, and I completely understand where you’re coming from. We both have a feeling of contentment – a feeling that we’re where we belong. It’s a very comforting feeling but also a very freeing feeling because we always know that the other “has our back.” My hope is that all who want a relationship are able to find someone who brings out those feelings in each other.
I knew before how much support you received from Bruce and reading about how you two got to where you are brings a smile to my face. You know I’ve wished this before but I wish you and Bruce many more years together. I am pouting a bit that I won’t get to meet Bruce when I get to meet you too.
Thank you so much for sharing your beautiful story! I just love to hear about real life love stories! :hearts01:
Thank you for sharing your beautiful love story. You are truly blessed to have found each other. Thank you
Great reflections, Rick. But, then, you can always be counted upon to have something interesting to say. And, of course, this couldn’t have appeared on a better site!
Oh! The one word, I was making guesses about what it was while reading, and then it was family and I just started to cry. So, so lovely Rick! Thank you for sharing this. All the best to you and to Bruce!
A beautiful post, Rick. I just have one question. Do you sleep on striped sheets? Just kidding…you just HAD to go write the scariest book I ever read (IM) and make me phobic about the damned things.
Here’s to 99 more years for you and Bruce.
And you really meant it when you said it was a personal post.
Thanks for sharing this with us, Rick. It makes a cynic like me start believing again (a little – I’m also a scientist which means I won’t believe it until I’ve seen it with my own eyes or experienced it firsthand)
Here’s a cheer for you and Bruce!
😎
Thank you for sharing your personal story with us, Rick. I keep saying ‘everything is grist for the mill’ when it comes to writing, and it’s true, isn’t it?
I find the parallels between your life’s journey and your writing journey fascinating–here’s to many more year of togetherness for you and Bruce, as well as much more grist for the mills. 🙂
Lily is adorable!
What a great story! I fell in love in a dark movie theater, and later on the phone, (this was before the internet, you young whippersnapper) and I believe that sometimes the connections we make with our minds and our hearts first are the best kind.
What a handsome pair you make, I’ve LOVED reading both your personal story and the books that it has inspired, and I look forward to seeing you again in Philadelphia!
I wish you and your family all good things. 😎
Awww, what a treat to read a love story first thing in the morning.
Thank you Rick, for allowing us all a look inside such a personal place: a writers real life relationship.
Thanks for letting us see the romantic side, Rick
What a wonderful story. It’s the confirmation to my thoughts whenever I look at pictures of you and Bruce: happy and 100% connected. It gives me hope.
Congratulations on your anniversary and here’s to many, many more.
{sigh} That was just so wonderful to read 🙂 I think of family when I think of my man too because that’s what I finally got when I got him. Two dreams come true!
And I love, love, LOVE the direction your writing is going, Rick. Thank you, Bruce, for getting him here 🙂 {kisses}
Crap, your post just made me cry and at my age that’s not a pretty sight.
I have a question, are you planning a sequel for “The Blue Moon Cafe?”
I do have some notes for one…so stay tuned. Thanks, Nina.
Thanks, Rick, for sharing with us! Loved the post and love your books.
It makes me feel a little hope. Thanks Rick.
Every time one of you says the post made you cry, it makes me cry a little too. How did such a sentimental cry baby ever write horror stories?
Like you said before, you were in a completely different phase in your life. You have evolved. Hehe Okay, That was my psychology 101 doing the talking. But yeah, you’re a different man now… 🙂
Rick, terrific post! It’s been delightful to see how you – and your writing career – have grown and changed over the last few years. Congrats to you and Bruce —- and Happy Belated Birthday!
🙂 Lori
That was wonderfully moving and made me smile more than I wanted to cry.
What a truly wonderful post, Rick. Thank you so much for sharing it with us. All the very best to you and Bruce, and Lily too.
What a wonderful post. I found myself smiling with tears. To finally reach the point of contentment that you and Bruce have is a beautiful thing. Thank you for sharing with us. Happy Birthdays to you both and many, many more years of happiness in your “family”
Carol L
Lucky4750 (at) aol (dot) com
I’ve been trying to read this on a tiny little screen during breaks from work (and failing miserably). I couldn’t wait to get home and see the rest. What a sweet, touching story; no wonder you’re inspired to write romance!
Rick, that’s a beautiful, beautiful story. I’m so happy you and Bruce found each other. You make a lovely family 🙂 Thank you for sharing your story! :biglove:
Thank you for sharing your story. As I read I was thinking of what it means to come home to someone. All the best to you and your family.
Lovely story of your and Bruce’s life. Many happy years for you and your family. Thank you for telling it.
Thank you for sharing your own love story, Rick. Happy anniversary for you and your partner!
I am so, so happy for you and Bruce. Everything you wrote about your relationship is a universal truth, simple and beautiful (and often daunting!) Damn, that was lovely to read, even if it made my eyes burn.
And then you had to go and throw a dog into the mix and make me even mushier. Lily, baby doll, I’d be cuddling you too!
Happy birthdays and anniversary, Bruce and Rick, and many joyful returns. If only we could read more stories like yours …
KZ
At Valentine’s I posted a similar love story about Jeffrey and Fred, soulmates for 19 years. I’m open to more stories. *hint* 🙂
Happy birthday to you, Bruce and Lily! Thanks for sharing a bit of your personal life. I’m glad you and Bruce found each other. Congrats on another happy and fulfilling year together. Everyone needs a soulmate 🙂
I’m glad you’re among the lucky who find their partner in life, Rick! Thank you for sharing your story.
I was lucky enough to find mine in college, though it took me a few years to recognize that we had something very few people ever touched.
‘Family’ is a good word to describe it. I wish you both, many more years to come! 🙂
Thanks for sharing your story.
Oh Rick, what a wonderful blog. I’m so happy for you and bruce. My sister’s bithday is July as well (the 11th). Can’t wait to meet you in person in August.
I love how you bared your soul here.
What can I say I’m a born romantic, I love real stories of love. You both are an inspiration and I wish you both many more happy and healthy years ahead, and please keep writing.
What a beautiful story, thank you for sharing this. I wish you and Bruce many,many,many more years together with love, joy and blessings.
I’m so glad you shared your story. I’m a big believer in love, and bein past 70 and married to the same guy for 50+ years, I know it takes time and commitment and effort and patience to perform the alchemy that turns the intense base metal of first love into the pure gold of lifelong commitment grounded in love. And I agree that Family is the most important word, whether the family is two or more, gay or non-gay, whether there are children or not. I’ve never been able to understand why the conservatives can get that through their heads.
I have to say that I always thought you were hunky. I didn’t know Bruce was too!
Ruth
It’s funny, but yeah, I totally get that you had to be in the right place to right romance.
I used to read horror all the time – until I had babies…then I couldn’t pick up a horror book.
And I never read romance until I decided to write stories of my own – in my late 40’s.
Go figure.
Still, it’s so wonderful to hear about you and Bruce – and your love and the family you two have created.
Just wanted to say “awwwwwwww,” and that I’m glad you got your HEA.
Love ya!
Thanks to everyone for all the lovely comments and words of support. Bruce and I read–and treasured–each of every one of them.
Yes, Rick!
First off, what a wonderful story and thank you so much for sharing it. Everything you’ve written here has resonated so deeply with me.
Before I met and fell in love with my girl, I had no interest in romance and I certainly didn’t write it. I wrote dark erotica, deliberately detached and full of deception. I must say, I had some growing pains with my work and my relationship to the fiction I was creating when suddenly it started getting… romantic? Like, “What the hell is this?” was my general reaction. LOL
And “family” is one of those words that’s quickly being taken over by puritanical political movements, so for us to use it and use it loudly seems necessary right now.
Again, your story is beautiful.
Hugs,
Giselle
What a beatiful story!! Congrats to you both and thanks for sharing!